On Parents, Ambition, and Reading
(This was a Blog entry of one of our Wortel People that we think should be shared in this
section)
I recently ran into a close friend of the family, a woman who too many of us know
reigns as the queen--and king--in her house at a small gathering. She has 3
children, 2 boys and a girl.
The moment she approached me, she started drilling me with what appeared to be a
well-rehearsed set of questions: how, exactly, did I get into Stanford University? Did
I have to do anything 'special', such as taking special classes, when I applied?
(which eventually led to the inevitable question: did I have to make a 'donation' to get
accepted?) Because her husband so, so wants their children to end up gloriously at
Stanford (Sure - we all know who wears the pants in that family). To which I patiently
answered that no, I got in via the regular channel, I had to sit for the GRE just like
everyone else who wanted to go to grad school, I had to get my teachers'
recommendations, and obviously I did have some good grades, and so on and so
forth. Nope, nothing special. She seemed incredulous, but really I had no other
answer.
Then came her grievance about her daughter. This woman had heard that I write
(which can be considered ancient history; lately the only things I have written, if any,
are blogs), and she wants her daughter to exhibit admirable writing skills too, so
would I please tell her how it is that I came to write so well? What must one do to
develop that skill? I said the first thing that came to my mind: 'Read a lot'. Which
was met by the next question: read what? Exactly which books did I read as a
young girl? Because her annoying daughter apparently only enjoys reading 'ghost
stories'. Laughing politely, I asked her how old her daughter is. 'Twelve', is the
answer. I never knew reading ghost stories is illegal at that age.
I finally managed to convince her that when I was that age, I read whatever kids my
age read: Enid Blyton, mainly, and the like (I didn't tell her that I also read Sydney
Sheldon novels - these certainly don't fall into 'recommended reading' categories
anywhere, especially not for pre-teens, but yes, every girl my age read it then, let's
just be honest, eh???). Seriously, I was never one of those precocious children who
read James Joyce at ten or play Mozart at five. Good ol' hard work still gets you
places, even today.
I had always thought this kind of parents only exists in movies. Never thought I
would encounter one in real life. Isn't it an all-too-familiar story, though? You know,
parents so ambitious they neglect to look into their children's real interests, they're
too busy planning the perfect future for them, and invariably this perfect future is one
that will make the parents look most perfect, too, parents who think there is one
infallible formula for success and their children must follow it, dammit, because there
is no other way and there is definitely no room for failure. That brief but exasperating
conversation was like a masterclass in how not to be a parent.
Since this is the Wortel blog, I'd like to make specific comments about reading. I
believe for children so young, what matters most is not what they read but whether
they read at all, and whether they enjoy what they read. Enjoyment is the key to a
love for the written word. The purpose of reading at that age is to help enjoy that little
quiet time where you cuddle up with your favorite book on the couch, where you
communicate with the words presented in front of you and not with actual human
beings, when you can let your imagination roam free, and when you can learn a little
bit about the world around you. Because that is what good books do: they always
teach you something new, whether about the world, or about yourself. And hopefully,
as you grow older, perhaps with a little guidance from those responsible for your
education, you will branch out to other written words out there: newspapers,
magazines, journals, anything depending on your field of interest. Because reading
shouldn't be confined to just fiction; that would be a severe limitation on the wealth of
experiences everyone has the right to.
So here's a tip for today: Read. And enjoy. Start young so it's easier to instill that
habit. Because after all is said and done, reading is an all-important first step
towards gaining knowledge and empowering oneself.
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